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Pittons & thanksgiving

"Thanks for the Pittons(small donation/gift)" {pattwa}, my grandmother says to 3 of her 7 alive, grown children. -_- I can't say i'm surprised. Certain children just don't wanna talk to her & others swear they got better things to do then mess w/family. I guess it's a good thing I didn't have high hopes to enjoy thanksgiving w/certain people in the first place.

20yr Issues

So let me get this straight....I have obligations to my grandmother who has taken care of me all my life and he knew this when we met and started to go out. So now he catch an attitude with me cause I can't see him and he's under the impression that my family really does like him enough for him to have some place to sleep when he want to come up here:
Oh my poor sweet lover, you have so much to learn about how my family is organized. It doesn't matter how much you love me when I am tied to my family in the way I am, there is no extra cash on the side to just run off when you want when there is no JOB. I don't have my parents supporting me when shit hits the fan, I wish my mother was alive to support me and my father was a better man to stop running around on his wife and kids and trying to sow his oats since he discovered how to make kids. I wish I could start this job already and get you to understand that for my family, things get better when the bills are not tied all around our necks. I have told him that I still have student loans, life insurance, cell phone bill, utilities and don't forget that I pay my own transportation and I'm barely making it on most of those bills. The student loans are on hold but for only 3 months at a time, I got bill collectors calling me all day every day, Utilities are being added as well as my cell phone bill. So while I don't have a job, I have nothing but time time but no money and to travel to see you cost money my love. This is a sacrifice you will have to deal with since we live in different states and come from different worlds, in all honesty, I'm not sure if we can even still be together with the way we are right now. I Love you so much but I still think that we both have some growing up to do to really survive, then pressure I feel for myself is...I want to start a family of my own within 5 years. I don't want to be 30 and still live with my grandmother or be stuck in this hole that is my life with my family. I have 8 siblings and half of them are young and ignorant and don't realize that we have more siblings that are older then me. The older ones don't know all the younger ones other then me and the sister under me. I hold secrets and information that can break my family and this is stressful but part of my life. You, who only had two brothers, are the lucky middle child where info and secrets don't get shoved into your life as the oldest or being watched over like a hawk as the youngest. I'm by all accounts a middle child but is treated as the oldest cause my family doesn't know about the older ones. I'm never going to be the baby except with my grandmother since my grandfather and her raised me, I'm not sure if you understand what it means to be close to your family that they half way poison you and you can't stop loving them or secretly praying for them cause that's all you know.. 
I do have a plan on going away and having a life but that is just it....a plan and they have already been disrupted by you for coming into my life and making me fall in love with you but I will not let you disrupt it any further cause I am selfish and it's time for me to get my life going on. I need this job to start so I can save up and then get on with my life and I can only hope that you can be part of it but if not then........I LOVE YOU.

An update #1

There is not much going on in my life but i want to do something worth something. I'm feeling alone but i know that i'm not so what can i do but go on just following orders and never seem to ever feel happy. You see, I can't just say "Oh! I'm bored so lets go away from the boredom and go have fun in a club or just hang out with my friends." because i live with my elderly grandmother and most of her children are ungrateful pieces of crap. Wouldn't you be a little grateful to your mother that took care of you and still loved everything about you even when you denied to admit that she helped you get a real life. I have an aunt who was horrible because she got married when she was young, had a baby just to scare off some girl that was interested in her man, divorced him a couple of years later, never bothered to finish high school, and got the nerve to scream and curse out everyone who tells her that she is wrong. Now years later she is married to a wonderful man who she doesn't deserve and lives in big houses cause she can, she never encouraged her oldest child to go to college but instead to work and when her other daughter got old enough to tell her that she needs to go to college and a really expensive and well known school at that. Her son is a brat and doesn't sleep in his bedroom but in hers and he is thirteen almost fourteen years old!!! It's crazy cause when her mother who takes care of me told her that i was sleeping in the same room as her on a little cot besides her bed, she thought that was stupid and told her that i need to sleep in my room since around that time i was around 8 or 9 years old. Now her son has no excuse to sleep in her bed and yet i lost my mother and a grandmother just 4-5 years before and i was still going to therapy to get over their deaths. She was so petty and mean that this year we had a surprise birthday party for my grandmother and she didn't come even if her daughters came. Everyone else in my family tried their hardest to get to the party and most made it but her who had not work that week didn't come or even give some $$ to help for the party. It wasn't fair and i just can't believe that there were someone that spiteful to not even come to your own mothers birthday party, i lost all of my respect for that evil woman and if i don't talk to her then it would be to soon!!

UnWanted Feelings

Why is it that there is always someone in your life who wants to cheat you? Have anyone ever had to deal with idiots you just don't want around after a while? My experience is not much but enough for me to know that you don't cheat an old woman and her college grandchild out of their money to pay for your father's funeral. Don't get me wrong and think that I'm being a brat or stupid but this was my college money and she tells us on the day of the funeral that she doesn't have the money when we all planed it the beginning of the week. She was trying to be slick and it makes no sense because that would not even be a problem if she diddn't cash in his life insurance for $15,000 and bought herself a house. So you tell me if I am wrong for wanting to go to court because she had more then enough time cause even if he is like a grandfather to me that still doesn't excuse her because he died a month ago now counting today.


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