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20yr Issues

So let me get this straight....I have obligations to my grandmother who has taken care of me all my life and he knew this when we met and started to go out. So now he catch an attitude with me cause I can't see him and he's under the impression that my family really does like him enough for him to have some place to sleep when he want to come up here:
Oh my poor sweet lover, you have so much to learn about how my family is organized. It doesn't matter how much you love me when I am tied to my family in the way I am, there is no extra cash on the side to just run off when you want when there is no JOB. I don't have my parents supporting me when shit hits the fan, I wish my mother was alive to support me and my father was a better man to stop running around on his wife and kids and trying to sow his oats since he discovered how to make kids. I wish I could start this job already and get you to understand that for my family, things get better when the bills are not tied all around our necks. I have told him that I still have student loans, life insurance, cell phone bill, utilities and don't forget that I pay my own transportation and I'm barely making it on most of those bills. The student loans are on hold but for only 3 months at a time, I got bill collectors calling me all day every day, Utilities are being added as well as my cell phone bill. So while I don't have a job, I have nothing but time time but no money and to travel to see you cost money my love. This is a sacrifice you will have to deal with since we live in different states and come from different worlds, in all honesty, I'm not sure if we can even still be together with the way we are right now. I Love you so much but I still think that we both have some growing up to do to really survive, then pressure I feel for myself is...I want to start a family of my own within 5 years. I don't want to be 30 and still live with my grandmother or be stuck in this hole that is my life with my family. I have 8 siblings and half of them are young and ignorant and don't realize that we have more siblings that are older then me. The older ones don't know all the younger ones other then me and the sister under me. I hold secrets and information that can break my family and this is stressful but part of my life. You, who only had two brothers, are the lucky middle child where info and secrets don't get shoved into your life as the oldest or being watched over like a hawk as the youngest. I'm by all accounts a middle child but is treated as the oldest cause my family doesn't know about the older ones. I'm never going to be the baby except with my grandmother since my grandfather and her raised me, I'm not sure if you understand what it means to be close to your family that they half way poison you and you can't stop loving them or secretly praying for them cause that's all you know.. 
I do have a plan on going away and having a life but that is just it....a plan and they have already been disrupted by you for coming into my life and making me fall in love with you but I will not let you disrupt it any further cause I am selfish and it's time for me to get my life going on. I need this job to start so I can save up and then get on with my life and I can only hope that you can be part of it but if not then........I LOVE YOU.


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